


Are you there Force? It's me, Kylo

by K_dAzrael



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Awkward First Times, M/M, Virgin Kylo Ren, Watersports, he really does not know how to do the do, jedi academy had no sex ed, luke this is mostly your fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 05:06:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10712802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K_dAzrael/pseuds/K_dAzrael
Summary: Kylo bit his bottom lip. He missed the comforting anonymity of his helmet, but he had left it off as a sign of contrition. He wished he had brought a gift of some kind to underline this point, but he didn’t think there was an appropriate floral arrangement for “sorry I pissed in your mouth.” He forced himself to raise his eyes; cleared his throat. “Apparently there was a misunderstanding,” he said.





	Are you there Force? It's me, Kylo

**Author's Note:**

> For this [Kylux Hard Kinks](http://kyluxhardkinks.tumblr.com/post/159736424960/confused-virgin-kylo-gives-hux-an-unexpected-and) prompt: 'Confused virgin Kylo gives Hux an unexpected and shocking golden shower, because he heard some vague whispers, years ago, about peeing being involved somehow, with sex, and thinks that's what people do. Mortified, Hux gives him the talk. Kylo is even more embarrassed, especially when it turns out that wasn't even close to the only thing he'd misunderstood.'

“Fuck,” said Hux, breathing hard. “You’re terrible at this, I should have known. Whoever taught you to kiss should be court-martialled.” He went straight back in for more though, sucking Kylo’s bottom lip and turning his cheek to evade the forceful undulation of Kylo’s tongue. “So many bloody layers, too, kriffing hell,” Hux grunted and finally managed to undo Kylo’s belt buckle, throwing it to the floor with a heavy thud. He got a hand up under the surcoat and started groping for the fastenings of Kylo’s breeches.

“Wait, wait!” Kylo panted, pushing Hux back and holding him at arm’s length.

“What?” Hux frowned, annoyed by the delay.

“Uh, do you want to have sex?”

“Yes! What, you think I stick my hands into men’s trousers just to say hello?” Hux gave him a very strange look, somewhere between incredulity and suspicion. “Do _you_ want to have sex? I thought my invitation was very clear in its wording.”

“Yes, I want to.”

“What’s the problem then?

“Well…” Kylo licked his lips, excited and also panicking a little, “shouldn’t we do this in the ‘fresher? I mean, what about your furnishings?”

“What are you blathering about?”

“They might get damaged. Stained.”

“You pick a fine time to start worrying about the furniture. Is this your way of warning me you might start pitching things around with the Force?”

“No – I have complete control over my powers,” Kylo told him. “I just think it would be better in there. More hygienic.”

“’Hygienic’?” Hux’s eyebrows jerked upwards. “I wouldn’t have pegged as a clean freak, Ren, but whatever will make this go faster – I have to be back on post in thirty minutes.”

Hux led the way into his private refresher suite. Once inside they undressed quickly, flinging their clothes on the floor and then turning to look at one another warily. Hux’s gaze was intense and openly appreciative; Kylo noted that his penis was sticking up, like his own did when he was restless or excited, and he was very relieved to find that he was not the only person this happened to. They kissed again and their penises rubbed together; Kylo gasped into Hux’s mouth at the hot, somehow forbidden sensation.

“Big, eager boy,” Hux said, tugging Kylo’s hair and the lobe of one ear as he looked down between them. “You are _enormous_.  I can’t wait to get that in my mouth – come on.” He led Kylo into the spacious stall and turned on the spray – warm water: a surprising extravagance from the buttoned-up military man.

Kylo looked on in nervous anticipation as Hux placed a folded towel on the floor and knelt down on it. “Uh, what are you doing down there?” he asked. He was not one hundred percent sure what was going to happen next, but he had a vague idea they would both be standing up. He thought there would be a lot more kissing and hugging before _the thing_ happened.

Hux looked up at him, hair darkened in the spray and curling around his temples. “I was planning on giving you the best blowjob of your life, unless you have objections?”

“That sounds good,” Kylo replied, thrilled by this mysterious and crude-sounding word:  _blowjob_.

Hux grinned at him and reached out to put his hands on Kylo’s hips. He leaned in, opening his mouth and Kylo gasped -- was the other man really going to blow on his penis -- or into it? Hux took the tip into his mouth and sucked on it, making a sound like it was delicious. Kylo watched Hux’s pink lips twist and pull off; he made a slurping sound like he was tasting an iced treat.

“Don’t bite me,” Kylo blurted out.

“Please,” Hux said, scowling. “I know how to keep my teeth out of the way – give me some bloody credit.” He leaned back in and took it in deeper this time, bobbing his shining copper head. One of his hands closed around the base of Kylo’s penis and squeezed and Kylo almost toppled over, throwing out an arm to steady himself on the tiled ‘fresher wall. He groaned loudly, thigh muscles jumping and trembling. That feeling – the tingly feeling that he had to push down with all his mental powers – was so strong. He knew he had to will it away if he was going to be able to finish what they were doing, and he closed his eyes tightly, trying not to be present in the moment; to instead be cold and remote. He imagined the Force flowing through him and taking him up, up above himself where he could be safely distant from his desires, and could observe and control them.

This battle between his body and his will dragged on interminably, and try as he might he could not block out all of the sensations of Hux’s mouth and throat fluttering around him; the hums and slurps; the squeezing and flexing of his hand. After what felt like hours, Hux sat back, rubbing the hinge of his jaw and frowning at Kylo’s penis, which was stiffer than ever, shiny and red. Kylo had the sense that he was doing something wrong – perhaps it was supposed to have gone down by now.

“Is this… not doing it for you?” Hux asked. He looked puzzled and a little annoyed, as if Kylo’s penis was a problem he had failed to solve.

“Doing what?”

“Are you going to finish soon? I told you I’m on a tight schedule -- if you need bells and whistles you should have informed me.”

“I’m trying,” Kylo protested. “You make it so hard. I can’t get it out when it’s like this.”

“Bloody hell, Ren, I’m trying my best here. What do you want me to do?”  

“Don’t do anything. Don’t touch it – I can do it myself.” Kylo looked down at Hux’s exasperated face. “Close your eyes. I can’t do it if you’re looking.”

Hux sighed, crossing his arms over his chest as he closed his eyes. “Get on with it then. I don’t mind the face, but just try not to get it in my hair.”

Kylo reached up and curled his hand around the outer panel of the stall and tilted his head back, trying to breathe in that deep rhythm that would give him back control.  He drank a lot of water earlier, knowing this part might be difficult if he was excited. His bladder ached and he concentrated on that, willing away the other, distracting feeling. His penis softened a little as he was able to focus on this task: he pushed tentatively and there was a sharp, tingling feeling and an uneven spurt came out, hitting the white tile floor. Kylo grunted and pushed harder, emitting a steadier stream and tilting his hips to guide it towards Hux, finding that it was hard to aim with such a degree of precision.

Despite Kylo’s uncertainty it felt great to let go – he let out a heartfelt groan and Hux gasped in response, straightening his posture and opening his mouth, looking hungry and expectant. Kylo bore down a little harder and the stream arced higher, hitting Hux’s chin and the corner of his mouth.

Suddenly, Hux jerked backwards, his knees going out from under him so that he landed on his ass and elbows, legs akimbo. His eyes flew open and an expression of shock came over his formerly placid features.

“Fuck, fuck, are you _pissing on me_?”

“Yeah,” the stream was easing off, but Kylo did his best to aim it at Hux’s crotch, where he imagined the warm pressure would be especially welcome. “Does it feel good?”

“No! What is wrong with you?” Hux squeaked back across the stall on his ass. “Stop that you pervert!”

“What’s wrong?” Kylo tried to stop the dwindling flow, but he couldn’t. He looked on in alarm as the yellow stream mixed with the now cooling water and continued to trickle towards Hux, who was trying to stand up, but kept slipping and falling back onto his behind with a thump. Kylo reached out and offered him a hand but Hux slapped it away. “Get off! Get away from me!”

“I’m sorry!” Kylo said. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“Forcing your fucking fetish on me, that’s what. Bloody hell. Get out!”

“I’m sorry!” Kylo yelled. He stepped onto the floor, dripping water everywhere, and tried to pick up his clothes. A shampoo bottle hit him hard on the back of the head.

“Out!” Hux shouted, scrabbling for another projectile.

Kylo beat a hasty retreat, pulling items of clothing on as he went.

Shivering, demoralized and missing his cowl, he returned to his own rooms and threw himself into the chair in his antechamber. “It’s not fair!” he said aloud to the empty room. “Why is love so complicated?”

Kylo was the first to admit that he did not know much about sex or relationships, but it wasn’t as if he’d had much opportunity, or anything in the way of a good role model. His father had been full of laughter and bravado, speaking in euphemisms that his childish mind could not decipher. Uncle Luke, the mentor of his teen years, was bland and aloof. “Learn to let go of your desires, Ben,” he had often said. “Desire leads to fear of loss, fear of loss leads to anger. Anger opens you up to the dark side.”

Kylo did not feel connected to the dark side: he felt small, and insignificant, and damp. He clenched his hands on his knees, the leather of his gloves squelching. “No!” he vowed. “I will not let this defeat me! I will attain the forbidden knowledge! I will reclaim Hux’s affection!”

*~*~*

Hux’s door slid open by a mere ten centimeters: just wide enough for him to glare out and snap. “I don’t want to talk to you.” He was wearing a towel around his waist and his skin was scrubbed and rosy. “Do you have the slightest idea what you’ve done? I had to designate myself ‘indisposed’ because I can’t bear to go out and look my crew in the face.”

Kylo bit his bottom lip. He missed the comforting anonymity of his helmet, but he had left it off as a sign of contrition. He wished he had brought a gift of some kind to underline this point, but he didn’t think there was an appropriate floral arrangement for “sorry I pissed in your mouth.” He forced himself to raise his eyes; cleared his throat. “Apparently there was a misunderstanding,” he said, pleased with how low and even his voice sounded.

“A scheduling conflict is a misunderstanding. Urinating on someone is malice aforethought.”

“I thought that was what you wanted!” Kylo blurted out.

“Why the hell would I want you to piss on me?” Hux demanded, perhaps louder than he meant to. He slid the door open all the way and peered around Kylo to see if the corridor was clear before pulling him inside by the sleeve. “Get in here. Sit down and explain yourself.”

The door slid shut with a hiss and Kylo looked around before seating himself on the edge of the chair by the desk, gloved hands clenched on his knees. Hux crossed to the shelf where he kept a decanter of brandy and poured himself a generous measure, taking a fortifying sip before he turned back to Kylo.

“Well?”

Kylo could feel himself breathing fast and shallow – that choking feeling he used to experience as a child when he was scolded for something that wasn’t his fault. “You said you wanted to have sex! You said to get it on your face but not your hair!”

Hux looked at him, head cocked to one side. “I meant your _semen_ – bloody hell, wasn’t that obvious? Typically sex involves sexual fluids, not… urine.”

“Oh,” said Kylo. “Wait, what?”

“What?” Hux repeated back, eyes narrowed.

“What did you call it – the thing beginning with ‘s’?”

“Semen. You know: come, jizz, spunk – a hundred other less appealing euphemisms for the white stuff that comes out of your dick.”

“You mean the stuff that comes out sometimes when you’re asleep?”

“Asleep?” Hux face went pale. “Wait – have you never… Ren, have you never masturbated?”

“What?”

Hux made a gesture – back and forth with his fist. “Jerked off… you know? Self-pleasure?”

“I’m pretty good at giving myself neck massages.”

“Oh fuck me!” Hux said – almost a whimper. He sat down heavily on the bed. “Ren, is this a joke? A very elaborate, dark side joke?”

Kylo could feel the blush rising up above his high collar to his ears and cheeks. “Look, I know I should probably have told you I’ve never had sex before. I just didn’t think it would be this complicated!”

“Where do you come from Ren – I mean, were you literally raised by rancors? No wait, I suppose it would have to be an asexual species. Bith – were you raised by Bith?”

“No, but it was… I mean I had to go to this… religious retreat. We didn’t learn about sex – Jedi are not supposed to have personal attachments.”

Hux rubbed his hand over his mouth. “But you agreed to it – having sex, that is. You must have had some idea what’s involved.” Kylo’s face burned – he could feel Hux scrutinizing him. “Ren, what do you think sex is?”

Kylo waved a hand vaguely. “Like what we did. Kissing and touching and then… then you pee on each other.”

“Why do you pee on each other?”

“Because it feels good and that’s how women get pregnant.”

“It most certainly is not!”

“I mean we’re both men so we don’t have to worry about that.”

“Ren, look at me,” Hux blinked rapidly and gestured between them with two fingers. “I am deadly serious. Please believe me when I say that women do not get pregnant from a man’s urine. That’s not even close to how babies are made.”

“Well I didn’t say I was an _expert_!”

Hux got up and poured himself another drink. When he sat down again he patted the bed, indicating that Kylo should come and join him. Kylo sat down gingerly, watching Hux take two big gulps of his drink, followed by a deep breath. He then nodded, apparently to himself, and turned to meet Kylo’s gaze.

“Alright, Ren.” A hand came down on Kylo’s knee, startling him with a series of friendly pats. “Here’s my plan: first of all, you go into the ‘fresher and void your bladder – just to make sure we don’t have a repeat of last time. Alright?”

Kylo nodded. “Alright.”

“Then you come back in here and I’ll show you some educational holos. They’re very straightforward and comprehensive -- I designed them for the juniors in the Stormtrooper program. After that we’ll have a short Q&A to clear up any remaining confusion.”

“Ok. Then what?”

“Then, if you’re still amenable, I think I’ll have you take down your trousers and we’ll have a little… practical session. Just to be sure you retained all that new information about anatomy and what should and should not come out of your penis during sexual contact.”

Kylo moistened his lips. “Can we do all the stuff again?”

“What stuff?”

“The kissing and hugging and that thing with your mouth,” Kylo took a deep breath: “ _blowjob_.”

Hux made a face. “Let’s not run before you can walk, Ren. Besides, I’m a little head-shy after last time.”

“You could teach me, then.”

“Stars, I hope so,” another firm pat to Kylo’s knee as Hux let out a long, rattling sigh. “I do hope so.”

 


End file.
